TV News LIES

The loose chatter of Romneysiacs is idling upward, as the gabblers feel their Wheaties, and are feeling especially well-armed with a bad case of Sore Loseritis, made worse by the brain-disengaging disease, Secessionist Fevers, aka Separation Anxieties.

In a word, give or take some Romney-voting states, the Old South wants O-U-T.

My first impulse is to be just as reckless in return, suggesting that all ten states, and all 100,000 petitioners in this idiot cause, be given a small, hyphenated phrase in blunt reply.  (No, I was not thinking of a biological impossibility, but that would be a most excellent guess.)  I was in fact thinking of this one:  Buh-bye.

With the exception of flag officers having ego management problems, no veteran ever alive has expected to come home down a red-carpeted aisle.  Confetti, cheering crowds, and marching bands were never in the daydream, either.

But, then -- a backhanded cuff, a knee to the groin, and a karate chop to the jugular wasn't supposed to be part of the plan, either.

It's not quite what we do, and have been doing for decades, but it's figuratively close.  Of course, it gets worse than that, too.  Far, far worse.

Consider the plight of aging garments separated into heaps:  this one for fixes, this one for donation, this one for auction in Beverly Hills...

The signature dress worn by Judy Garland in the film, The Wizard of Oz, has been auctioned, bringing $480,000.  If that raises an eyebrow, consider this:  A similar dress, worn only in tests, last year brought almost twice that -- $910,000.

How are your eyebrows now?  Still holding up OK?  Think they might un-arch and relax by New Year's?  The explanation raised for the price difference is that only a couple test dresses were made, while there were at least seven made for use in the film.

No matter how much we would like it to be so, not every news story in the known world can be about the entire nation bounding off budgetary bluffs and buttes, en masse.

Every once in a while, the news universe requires a massage of more than one or two of the Four Humours.  Take the lesser known of these, Potty Humour.

Oh, I know -- but it's been a dreadful week, reeking of stale politics, dank backroom deals, and damp gym shoes from being on the constant run.  So, kick back, let your socks air out, and give vent to a short, spleeny foray -- what the hey.

Drudge.com has a map on their web page that shows the US as 99% Red. The typical dim bulb who follows them will assume that somehow this means Acorn stole the election for Obama.

The reality is, of course, that most of the 'Red' counties (small in population) weren't 'red' by all that many votes, depending on the concentration of 'trailer trash'. In fact, the 'Blue' voters don't bother in areas where there isn't any point in voting. Combine that with the tens of millions who don't know what the 'left' is really saying about a 'right' that sees them only as potential dog food. Confronted with the actual 'reality,' their vote would be different.

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There is a bizarre irony involved for members of the clean-up crew, tracing the long street and avenue routes after a parade featuring elephants.  Oddly enough, crew members find themselves shoveling the same material from the back of the parade route as the GOP politicians were shoveling onto the crowds, up front.

Figuratively, figuratively.  At least, one hopes that is the case.  So, please bear with us while we keep sweeping up around here, trying to get all this... this... stuff off the streets and off our agendas.